Everything Unsaid

Ramblings

I haven’t posted in awhile, but LIFE sort of got in the way and my attention was focused elsewhere. Today, however, seemed like a good day to write as I have plenty of thoughts bouncing around in my head. 

It’s the beginning of October (how did that happen), and I feel like I’m inching nearer and nearer to becoming an adult. The idea of moving out and job hunting were always things that seemed so far away and hypothetical almost. But they’re coming up fast. With the decline of the market and the scarcity of jobs out there, the pressure is starting to pile up. The realization that my minimum wage making days are coming to an end hit me the other night when perusing the internet for job opportunities. Although making minimum wage is never anybody’s idea of success, there is something very safe about going to school and working part-time. The future, where you will use the skills you have learned to get a job, always seemed so far away and it was something that you would have to deal with when you got there. Well, I’m getting there. 

Don’t get me wrong. The idea of getting a job doing what I love and making a life for myself is something I do really look forward to. It’s just surreal that adulthood is almost here. Although I’m 23, I still don’t feel like an adult. I’m in that awkward stage of life. Not teenage, but not adult. I’ve simply been a student for the past 5 years.Being  a student definitely has its perks because nobody really expects you to be anything else. People take sympathy upon you because being a student usually means you’re flat broke. But they don’t judge you for not making something of yourself, or not making more money because you’re just a student, the rest will come later. 

I guess it’s just scary because when you finally graduate and finally do go out and hunt for a job, if you fail, that’s when the judging starts. After you graduate, if you’re broke and haven’t ‘made it’ people may sympathize, but they’re also judging. 

I suppose I’m just a little intimidated by the idea of going out into the real world. What if everything I’ve worked for up until this point is useless? What if I find out that the countless amount of nights I’ve given up sleep to finish assignments, hoping that they will bring me closer to me dream, was a waste of time? What if I don’t make it?

The world is a scary place. I have about 7 months to make sure I’m ready for it. Wish me luck. 

Growing Up

Growing up is such a puzzling thing. I will be twenty three years old this August and I still feel very young. It’s so funny that when I was ten or even fifteen, twenty three sounded so grown up and important. I assumed I would have my life together by now. Have a career, a house, maybe be married. However, I’m still in school, I live at home, and although I’m with a man that I am truly in love with, we are no where close to getting married. It just seems that I’m letting my younger self down a little. 

I’m not sure if this is normal; to feel inadequate and unaccomplished at this age but I indeed feel that way. I still feel like I’m waiting for my life to start. That if I just get through this last year of school, my life is waiting. And that’s just silly, because my life is right now. I’m living it. 

I don’t want this to sound like I’m unhappy with my current life. Quite the contrary actually. I’m happy with where I am in my relationship and in my career. I understand the value of education and wish to pursue that until I feel fulfilled and confident enough to step outside into the real world. And as for my relationship, I want to accomplish so much in my own life before I share it completely with someone else. 

Come to think of it, there is so much that I want to do in my young life before my so called “adult life” begins. There’s so much I want for me that I’m not sure tat I’m ready to give myself over to another person so completely without the knowledge that I have completed everything on my “life to-do list”. Yes, I’m quite right to feel young because there’s still so much left to accomplish in my young life before setting out to tackle my adult one. 

Here’s my life To-Do List:

1. Travel to Europe- Now I don’t just want to travel there and spend a few days in certain countries doing touristy things. No, I want to take a year and work my way through europe. Experience the language and culture and people. 

2. Cross Canada Roadtrip- I want so much to know the country I love and call home.

3. Live in a dingy apartment with my boy- I want so much to look back on these years in 20 years and remember that even though our place was small and cramped and dirty, that it was full of love and fun and happiness.

4. Live in a major city- I would love to live in a vibrant city at least for one year. Toronto, New York, Vancouver, Ottawa. Because I grew up in a small town, I want to experience the rhythm and speed of a big city. 

5. Volunteer abroad- My amazing roomate Christina has been doing this since first year university and I both envy and admire her for it. She has made such a difference in the lives of so many people while having an absolute blast! I have seen her various volunteer experiences change her for the better and I have seen them help her grow into the amazing person she is today. I would be absolutely honoured and thrilled to be able to par take on such an experience.

6….

I haven’t quite finished my list yet but that’s a taste of some of the things I want to do with my life. Of course for all of those things I would love and appreciate my best friend and the person I love most in this world, Garrett, by my side. These are my dreams for right now. 

Summer To-Do list continued

I’m sitting here doing endless amounts of homework and listening to a very powerful, beautiful song and thinking so myself ‘I wish I could sing this’. Well, since I cannot sing worth anything, I decided that I could teach myself to play it on the guitar. There are all sorts of tools on the internet to learn songs on the guitar. I know there are youtube videos and tutorials and that’s what I plan on doing. 

SO:

13. Learn how to play guitar: Specifically ‘If I die young’ by  The Band Perry

Procrastination Nation (AKA My Summer To-Do List)

So we’re here. Down to the final wire. One more issue of the 2010-2011 Sheridan Sun newspaper, 1 final exam, 2 websites, 2 presentations to go until freedom. Next Thursday cannot come soon enough. It’s times like these that you yearn for those days where you sleep until noon and upon waking you curse yourself for sleeping that long even though it felt amazing. 

Summer is coming, I can feel it. The layers are getting lighter, and the anxiousness is evident upon most students’ faces. Everyone is scrambling to find summer jobs and internships and making plans for the next four months. I have been busy making summer plans for months. I have made a Summer 2011 To-Do list in anticipation of this great season: 

1. Go Paintballing- Garrett and I have been talking about this for a long time now. He still can’t believe that I haven’t ever been although I’m not entirely sure why it’s that surprising. However I’ve always wanted to go and this summer seems like the perfect time to try new things. 

2. Go-Karting- Again, something I’ve never done before.

3. Spending a long weekend at the cottage- No summer is ever complete without some time away. I don’t think I could get through an entire summer without having sat, at least once, at the end of a dock watching the sun go down.

4. BBQ- And tons of them! We kicked off this past weekend with a small BBQ and I’m hoping to have many many more over the course of the summer. There’s just something so simple and cozy about eating outside with friends. 

5. Beach- It’s been forever since I’ve been to the beach. I remember the last time, my two girlfriends and I went for the day and even though my two friends put sunscreen on (I didn’t), my friend Megan and I were totally and completely burnt!! I believe we almost used an entire bottle of Aloe Vera that weekend! Definitely will bring the sunscreen this year.

6. Zoo- I have never been to the zoo. Or at least I can’t remember ever having been to the Zoo. A petting zoo sure, but the actual Zoo with Lions and rhinos? No, never. This definitely has to be accomplished this summer.

7. Having drinks on a Patio- This is s summer must. I absolutely love sitting on a patio an a sweltering hot day with a nice cold beer and some friends. 

8. Days to just lay by the pool- I have already told Garrett this plan as he is the one with the pool. I want to have whole days where we just do nothing but nap by the pool. This idea also could go hand in hand with number 7, and 4. They go very nicely together.

9. Buy a pair of rollerblades- Since I have bad knees and running is just not a healthy option for me, I really want to buy a pair of rollerblades this summer for some exercise. 

10. My annual trip to Kingston- My old roomate Christina and I have very close summer birthdays (only a week apart!) and every year we celebrate by taking a roadtrip to her hometown of Kingston ON. We’ve been doing it ever since the first summer after our first year of university. It’s become our little tradition and even though we didn’t live together this year, I hope to still carry the tradition on. 

11. Find a publication that will let me write for them- Just because I’m not in school doesn’t mean I can’t write. I can’t let everything I’ve learned this year go out the door. I need to continue to look for ways to get published  in order to make it easier when I job hunt next year. 

12. Spend a night Downtown Toronto with Garrett- We have been so busy and broke this past year that our spending time together has turned to mainly hanging out at home. While I love that (he always find ways to make hanging at home super fun), I think we deserve a special night out. Especially him. He has worked incredibly hard this past year and definitely deserves a day to relax. 

Anyways, those are just some things I want to accomplish this summer. There will be more but I really hope to try and do these things. Every summer since i left high school, I have worked 1,2, even 3 jobs and haven’t taken a lot of time for myself. So this summer I will be working hard but making sure that I take time to do some of the things I enjoy. That is what summer’s all about anyways. 

It’s Friday.

Here it is, another Friday. The echos of Rebecca Black’s song is ringing through the halls here at school, no doubt being made fun of by various students. It’s been about a month since the video went completely viral and opinions of the admittedly catchy tune have been strongly formed. Many people believe that the song is a joke, an unintentional parody of today’s pop music, and maybe it is. However from the making of this lyrically poor song comes something great. On March 24 2011, Rebecca Black appeared on the Jay Leno show and announced that she will be donating the proceeds from the popular song to the Japan Relief efforts and to her school. 

As a young person, who’s stepbrother is currently living in Japan I can honestly say this is truly touching. It is something that is unexpected and often unseen by the youth of today and it is the epitome of a silver lining. Although the song has gotten a lot of publicity, most of it bad, it is really nice to see this 13 year old rise up and ignore the negativity and try and contribute to the world community.

You can say what you want about Rebecca Black. You can say that she’s a talentless act who’s a slave to the auto-tuner. But what you can’t debate is her success and the good she is trying to make from it. 

Talking, NOT Texting.

The value of human connection has been devalued. We no longer connect with people over a cup of coffee and a good conversation. We ‘connect’ by going online and e-mailing each other. And technological advances have encouraged this bad habit. Instant messaging, texting, bbming, e-mail, Twitter, have all reduced our abilities to handle face to face contact. The time honoured conversation has been reduced to LOL’s and feelings are no longer conveyed through the eyes or facial expressions but emoticons.

We have become a generation of anonymity. We don’t speak our minds, we type them. We hide behind closed doors and computer screens and gain courage from the anonymity of the interweb. We need not face our problems head on, we can put it in our Facebook status and let the world sort them out, or have our choices validated by complete strangers.

With this shift in social networking, from stimulating conversations to brb’s, and omg’s, I can’t help but think of the fat people in the movie Wall-E. You know, the ones that spend their lives in front of a computer screen, helpless without it. The Internet and technology has become such a huge part of our lives that we forget that we are able to connect with each other without it.

Don’t get me wrong, the Internet can be a wonderful and educational tool. The vast opportunities it has created for our society are monumental. I just wonder if sometimes, it cripples us and our relationships. Social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace have been observed to be frequent reasons for divorce in recent years. People are finding the sites addictive and exciting, striking up inappropriate flirtations with strangers over an instant message. It’s making it easier for people to cheat on their partners.

I realize that this is probably sounding very hypocritical due to the fact that I’m posting this on a blogging site for the world to read. And I am on Facebook, and I do have a Twitter account. I just can’t help thinking about a time where there was more to socializing than liking someone’s Facbook status. I just miss when ‘catching up’ use to mean over dinner, not over Skype. I just miss people.